Numb with Sadness

As much as I have griped about my mother in my journal,you never really realize how much you love someone until they are gone........My mother passed away in her sleep last night.....it was totally unexpected..I have gone past the crying stage and am now Numb.

I have lost my best friend...she is gone. I'll never hear her tell me to make sure I do stuff,to ask if I want anything, to give me a hug when I need it.

I just had to write something down...I really can't talk to any of my family...they really don't know me,besides my Mom and Dad no one else in my family even knew I am gay. In fact my mother was the first person I came out to..she was like,"of course you're a lesbian..what took you so long to figure it out,I've known since you were 15" she told me...lol.

I know I will eventually lose it,probably when my two closest friends in the whole world get here on Sunday(I told them they didn't have to come but they said "we love you,you need us".)then I can crumble,until then I have to stay strong for my Dad...its just me and him now,at least until my little brother is released from prison in 3 yrs.

I may write more,I don't know...if I feel the need I may babble some.

I love you Mom..you aren't in pain anymore and you are in a better place..but you will be missed.

R.I.P. Susie Carol Baskin ..b.8/14/1948-d. 3/3/2006----Love You Mommy!